Content
by moose-girl6
Summary: This is an AU drabble inspired by BC Daily's Commentarius and Taylor Swift's 'Speak Now'. James is getting married and Lily goes to the wedding.


This is a drabble inspired by an anonymous question to BC Daily on Tumblr about an AU fanfiction of her fanfiction, Commentarius. If you understood that then keep reading. If you didn't then maybe re-read it. If you still don't understand it, I would direct you to here:

s/3323816/1/Commentarius

and here:

post/57664429248/how-weird-would-it-be-to-write-a- fanfiction-off-of-a

I was so tempted to call this Comception, but instead stuck with this.

Content

It had been two years.

Two years since he ended it and two years since Elizabeth Saunders' gloating face floated in front of my eyes as she sauntered past me to wrap a comforting arm around his shoulders. The fact that he had sworn and shrugged her off apparently did nothing to deter her in recapturing his affections, since the memory of this particularly upsetting day was prompted by a wedding invitation; cream with gold edging and pink rosebuds surrounding the words that taunted Lily from her kitchen table.

_Mr Charles Saunders  
requests the pleasure of_

Miss Lily Evans

at the wedding of his daughter

Elisabeth Ruth  
to  
Mr James Potter

at St David's Cathedral, Cardiff  
on July 31st 1979  
at 1.00pm  
and afterwards at the Angel Hotel, Castle Street, Cardiff

Lily had been breathless the moment the crisp, cream envelope had hit the mat in her hallway, dropped through her letterbox by hand – a hand which had retreated down her pathway too quickly for her to identify. She had picked it up curiously, the paper thick and expensive, the penmanship perfect. The calligraphy and the green ink were achingly familiar, and yet it still took until the names appeared in front of her for Lily to realise whose it was.

James.

He had sent her a wedding invitation. To his wedding. To his wedding where he would marry Elizabeth Saunders. To his wedding where he would marry Elisabeth Saunders and not Lily and were he would be perfectly, blissfully happy, and where all of his friends and family would turn and tut as she sits there, ex-girlfriend of the groom, arch nemesis of the bride, completely unwelcome, forcing a smile and dying a little bit inside.

Although, she mused, Grace would probably be there.

At the thought of Grace, Lily scowled and started tapping at the table with a bitten-down nail. She hadn't mentioned the fact that James and Saunders were engaged. But to be fair she hadn't spoken about James once since their unpleasant break-up. Even Grace wouldn't be that blunt.

Lily glanced up at the clock. She should have been in work half an hour ago and yet here she sat. At her kitchen table, battered and old with stains and burn marks from decades of use, taken from her parents' home after their deaths. The envelope and invitation seemed too clean and too elegant for Lily's little cottage in the middle of nowhere. She could have moved in with Grace after Hogwarts – and she did for a little over a month – but Lily craved independence. And besides, it wasn't as if she especially needed to live close to work; apparition and the flu network ensured that she could live quite comfortably in a little village up north whilst working in the biggest city in Britain. She wasn't unhappy where she was, but every now and then there would be a day when nobody would call and no post would arrive but the newspaper and she would find herself sitting in her front room by the window, doing nothing but watching the people in the street. She determinedly reminded Emma whenever she fretted about her and Grace when she called her a boring old maid that she was perfectly content. 'Content'. That was the word she always returned to. The last time she had said she was content Grace had thrown a dictionary at her and told her to look up what that word actually meant and why it wasn't actually such a good thing to just be 'content'. Lily had done so and had couldn't really see what was wrong with it.

Content. adj.

**1. **Desiring no more than what one has; satisfied.

**2. **Ready to accept or acquiesce; willing

Lily decided that she was the former of these two. Desiring no more than her little cottage in Godric's Hollow and her job at the Daily Prophet writing about the workings of the ministry. After having failed transfiguration so spectacularly without James she hadn't had a hope in hell of becoming an auror and so put her skill of fifty words a minute to good use and became a journalist instead. It wasn't that she had been lazy and left her transfiguration work out of a lack of motivation, but rather because transfiguration was a James thing. There had been many James things that Lily had had to give up after they broke up. She had stopped going to Quidditch games, she ate breakfast at a reasonable time, at prefect meetings she had been serious and efficient and she had removed all scarves from her wardrobe. It's is often advised to avoid breaking up with someone during an exam year as it may have an impact on their performance during their exams. Lily was of the opinion that it wouldn't have had mattered if they had broken up during their seventh year or ten years before; she would have been and would continue to be just as unsteady and confused post-James no matter when he had had the good sense to rise above her. She still couldn't look at a copy of 'Transfiguration Today' without her stomach doing a flip and wanting to throw paperclips at it.

Emma said she was just in a period of mourning. All relationships take time to get over and the bigger the relationship, the more time it takes.

Grace said she was being an idiot. The time for apologising and getting back together had moved on, and so should she.

Lily wasn't quite sure who was right, but really it didn't matter. The outcome was the same. She was single, living in the back of beyond and not doing the job she had planned to do. And now apparently she was going to go to a wedding just to prove that content was fine. Content was good enough. If content wasn't good enough, would she really be able to stomach a whole day of Saunders and James together? Would she be able to go and watch as they promised to spend their whole lives together? No. Of course she wouldn't. But because she was content, she could do it. Of course.

The cathedral was beautiful, even without the overpowering scent of the flowers which appeared to have been positioned in every corner of the building. Lily even thought she could see the soft pink of roses frothing over from the balcony up above them. She had sat at the back, on the groom's side at the end of an empty aisle and was incredibly grateful she had decided not to wear a hat as she was gradually sinking into a sea of pastel colours and fussy fascinators as the church filled up around her.

In amongst the crowd, Lily didn't expect to be spotted. She had hoped to be able to blend into a pew and not be seen until she gleefully shook the hands of the newlyweds. However, no matter how hard she tried to hide, Karma had other ideas and found her. Or rather karma in the form of Grace Reynolds found her. She was swanning down the aisle, perfectly happy to gaze around at the decorations, but the second she walked past Lily she somehow felt the need to glance into the congregation. Despite being hatless, Lily had found it difficult to be inconspicuous amongst the crowd owing to her bright red hair. She ducked down quickly, but Grace's voice still managed to carry itself through the curtain of hair Lily had created around herself.

"Lily! What are you doing here?"

"Oh um, I was-" Lily looked up, tried not to blush and tried to form a sentence. She failed on both accounts.

"Not planning on stopping the wedding or anything?" Grace teased sliding into the pew beside Lily and whispering conspiratorially before laughing. "Ha! Come on, come and sit with us down the front." She reached a hand towards Lily's and pulled her up. Lily had no choice but to follow, hating her friend right then. She didn't _want_ to sit down the front. She _wanted _to fall through a hole in the earth and be swallowed up forever. But Grace had other ideas. She tugged her along and then pushed her into a seat besides Remus a few rows back behind all of James' family.

"Oh! Hello Lily." Remus eyebrows raised slightly as he shuffled over towards Peter to make space.

"Here to stop the wedding?" he joked, grinning at her as she sat down and tucked her feet under her. She looked at him, rolled her eyes and sighed.

"Why does everyone keep saying that? Don't you want him to marry her?" she asked exasperated.

Remus smiled at her and put a hand on her arm, his eye not quite losing the teasing glint.  
"We just want him to be happy."

Lily glared at him. "That doesn't answer my question. So evasive." She muttered reaching down to retrieve her bag, fumbling through it for a second.

"Tissues?" Peter asked, leaning around Remus. "You planning on crying Lily?"

"No, I don't really cry at weddings. I tend to do happy things like smile and laugh instead."

"Happiness comes in many forms Lily." Remus said sagely, accepting her offer of a tic-tac as she held out the box.

"But this isn't one of them you think?" Lily asked, offering the little box to Peter who declined.

"I didn't say that." Remus said calmly.

"No, but you implied it." Lily said sharply.

"No, I didn't, you inferred it." He nodded gently at her.

"Are you implying that I don't want him to do this?" Lily asked, trying to keep her tone light, but she couldn't help herself from biting her lip and quickly glancing towards the front pew where she was sure James was sitting nervously.

"Are you inferring that?" Remus shot back, grinning, noticing her glance forward.

"Only if you're implying it." Lily answered smartly.

Grace snorted beside them.  
"That's a ridiculously long winded way of saying that you hate Elisabeth and want him to marry Lily instead."

"What?" Peter asked surprised. "Is that what they were saying? I thought they were talking about crying."

"No, Pete, we were talking about happiness. And no," Lily said with a stern look at Grace, "that's not what we were saying Gracie. Don't be ridiculous. James and I broke up years ago."

"And you're still miserable about it." Grace mumbled

"Of course, that's why I came today." Lily said sarcastically, rolling her eyes. "I would have to be a right masochist to come today if I really was still miserable."

Grace's look of pity was lost on Lily as she turned to the front and gave a little wave to Sirius who was standing and grinning at her. He nodded before turning towards the front bench and saying something to what Lily presumed was James.

James. She hadn't been in the same room as him since school and now she was at his wedding. Not that is was a big deal. They had, after all, been broken up for ages and he was literally on the brink of getting married. She was just here to show support and to show that there were no hard feelings. Plus, who could turn down a fancy invitation like that when it lands in the middle of your boring life? A bit of love and happiness never goes wrong in brightening up the day-to-day life.

Suddenly the organ music filled the building and the doors swung open and a large meringue style dress containing Elisabeth, smiling serenely, made its way forward.

Lily decided on lace as she watched Elisabeth walk calmly down the aisle on her father's arm. She would have a lace wedding dress, to her wrists, across her chest and falling down the train as it swept behind her, gently rusting the flower petals the little flower girl will drop before her. Her bridesmaids will have white lace on their waistbands as detailing, but she will be a vision of white.  
White flowers too, she decided as she watched Elisabeth grasping her roses uncomfortably.

Lily caught her eye for a second and a glimmer of a frown passed over her lovely face, the wedding day glow lessening slightly. It seemed that the invitation definitely hadn't come from her hand.

The service began sweetly with the couple seeming almost shy in standing together. Lily remembered all those prefect meetings, standing in front of a room of people, all expecting something of you and she felt for them. The vicar tried his best to relieve any nerves with a few jokes and personal insights into the couple, but really they seemed bland and generic. If it was Lily she would probably have made a point of getting to know the couple so as to be sure to have a funny anecdote to lighten the mood. There was a reading – Corinthians - and Lily remembered Sirius joking about how James' mum would need them to have some sort of religious element to their wedding.  
There was some sort of hymn, or at least there must have been as Lily felt Grace tugging at her elbow and heard the sound of people shuffling to open the order of service around her, but all she could focus on was how awkward they looked together. Uncomfortable. Elisabeth looked beautiful and James handsome, but they didn't grin at each other so widely it was almost laughter. Instead they smiled sweetly at each other, acknowledging each other's nervousness with a little shrug. Their hands were still together in the way they had been placed by Elisabeth's father, hers resting on top of his, stretched out in the space between them. Lily was surprised James hadn't used the connection as an excuse to pull her closer to him.

It was only in the moments, those last moments, as she saw them stand together did she really see them. They were together because they should be. That was all.

And then there was the moment. The moment that can be funny and tense and then gone. The moment which hangs in the air, waiting to be grasped. She felt her legs tense and her fists curl and she heard her friends teasing and she saw James in his wedding clothes and she couldn't stand it anymore. Because they were right. She didn't want him to marry Elisabeth. She hadn't come to see him happy, but to see him walk away. And he hadn't done that yet. Silly James. Too kind and noble to jilt her, to leave her standing at the altar with her flowers drooping from her hands and her veil drawn back to watch his retreating figure as he runs out of the church. That just wasn't going to happen. Not if the moment was left to hang, not if she didn't do something.

Lily stood up.

Everyone's eyes shot to her, horrified looks plastered on the faces of almost everyone in the room, even Remus's mouth dropped open a little bit, but suddenly she had tunnel vision. He was there, he was James and he shouldn't be marrying _Elisabeth Saunders_ for Heaven's Sake! She could save him from this. She could be_ his_ white knight for once.

And words just tumbled out of her mouth. That damn mouth. Mind of its own.

"Don't. Don't do it. Not her."

And his eyes looked into hers for the first time in two years and they weren't glaring, they weren't angry at the interruption. They were soft. They were amused. For a second she thought they were affectionate. But then he looked down and then back up and then he raised an eyebrow at her.

And his eyes locked with hers again. They were rejecting her.

She felt hot and her eyes prickled and then the world re-joined them and she heard the gasps and she felt the glares and she pushed past Grace and ran out of the church.

Outside nobody knew that she had just run out of a wedding, none of the strangers walking down the street knew she had just embarrassed herself in front of everyone she knew and that was the only comfort she knew. Her legs were shaking too much to walk far, and her head was too lost to know where she was going, so when she sat down on a bench not far from the Cathedral, she surprised herself.

Why couldn't she just have been content with sitting there and watching them say their stale old vows? Why could she just have tried to believe them? Why couldn't she have just stayed quiet? Stupid mouth. Stupid brain. Stupid heart. Stupid Lily.

She put her head into her hands and breathed in the smell of her sweaty palms, letting them wipe away her tears. She pulled her tissue from her sleeve and covered her mouth with it, breathing deeply and trying not to scream.

She had never really had a panic attack before. There had been a couple of minutes after she had been told her parents had died where her world span and she seemed to sink the bottom of a well and couldn't breathe, but that hadn't been exactly panic, more overwhelming and desperate. This feeling now was panic. There was a tension in her chest and a lack of air around her which made it impossible for her to draw breath and her arms couldn't grip her stomach tight enough and she was falling apart and desperate and lost and hopeless and then she wasn't.

A pair of familiar arms wrapped themselves around her and pulled her head to the attached shoulder. She gasped and pulled back to look at him, but he pulled her to him and held her as she cried.

"just cry it out." He said gently.

She felt a bubble of laughter rise up and fall out of her mouth before putting a hand over it and standing up, stepping away from him.

"No, you're supposed to be getting married. What are you doing?" she asked looking at him. His carnation in his buttonhole had gotten squashed between them, Lily noticed, and some of the petals were falling off.

"Making sure you're okay." He said reaching for her and it was all she could do to step away from him and not let him comfort her.

"Well, I'm-I'm fine. Go away." She said briskly, folding her arms and talking to his feet.

"Lily." He was right in front of her now.

"I'm sorry," she said quickly to his shoes, "I just-" she paused, took a breath and tried to explain exactly what happened inside her mind as she stood up.  
"I couldn't not," was the best she could come up with. He nodded, seeming to understand. He opened his mouth to speak but she cut him off, terrified of the rebuke that would come from him.  
"But I should have! I know. But I didn't and now you have to go back in there and explain that your ex is a psycho. I'm sorry, I'll go." She took another step backwards and when he didn't step forwards she nodded and turned away.

"Why did you?" his voice was accusatory. Well of course it was, she'd just ruined his wedding. Only there was something else there, something which made her stop and turn and ask,

"What?" His eyebrows were furrowed and his hands were on his hips as he stood and looked at her.

"Why did you come and stand up if you knew you shouldn't?" he clarified, enunciating each word slowly and clearly, cocking an eyebrow as she gaped for a second, surprised she didn't expect an interrogation. Didn't she know him at all? He wanted to know everything about her.

"Because-" she stopped and looked up from his shoes to his eyes and answered. "Because you shouldn't be marrying the wrong girl. She- She just isn't good enough for you. I'm sorry." Lily looked down at her hands which had clasped in front of her. "I've come and spoiled your wedding with a – a jealous fit. I'm so sorry." She bit her lip to stop from talking, but it didn't do any good. Her thoughts tumbled out of her mouth and they were being thrown at him before she could help herself. "But you're just worth so much more than Elisabeth Saunders, James. I-I- I don't even know what I was thinking, because it's not as if you'll have me back, but honestly I would be happy if you just didn't go back in." She lifted her arms and then let them fall back to her sides. "if you just walk away from that obsessive, constricting relationship. It's –it's unhealthy and I just- I'm sorry. But you shouldn't marry her."

She stood, waiting for his response to her cutting verdict of his relationship with his fiancée, watching as his face changed.

"You still care about me." He sounded surprised, why she would never understand. Of course she cared about him. He was worth caring about.

"Of-of course." She answered, stuttering slightly in shock. "Of course I care about you. I love-" she stopped herself and licked her lips before looking at him directly in the eye and saying "I love you."

He looked directly back at her and slowly a smile dawned on his face. He took a step forward and brushed his hand along her cheek.

"Good." He said quietly, looking at her as if he only had this chance to do so.

"good?" she asked, not wanting to presume anything at this point.

"Yes, good." He said smiling.

"I don't know what that means." She said shaking her head slightly and trying not to sigh.

"It means I'm glad." His smile widened.

"James." Lily said, trying very hard not to roll her eyes.

"Lily." He answered.

"Are you going back?" she asked, somewhat timidly

"No. I don't think I need to." He answered grinning.

"No?" a happiness welled up inside that hadn't existed for some time and it filled her so well that she almost laughed it out.

"No. I have you. " he answered simply before leaning down and kissing her.

There was a slamming noise from the church which echoed around the square and as they pulled apart they saw Sirius standing there, leaning against one of the walls of the church.

"Here," he said casually, throwing something to them. James caught it effortlessly, but looked at him quizzically. "I'll say I never saw you if you promise not to scratch her."

James grinned at him, nodded and wrapped an arm around Lily's waist, pulling her away towards the bike standing against the railings.

Weddings, Lily decided, were complex and life changing. And as she wrapped her arms around James waist as she scooted closer to him on the back of Sirius' motorcycle, she couldn't help but like them. If not for the fussy invitation and that moment that can only exist because of a wedding, she would be living alone and imagining herself satisfied and feeling empty. Instead she was here, with James, and she was finally content.


End file.
